Sturdley's Magical Mystical Blog

Musings on life, liberty, and the pursuit of derpiness.

Corporate “Training”

Today I spent two and a half hours taking mandatory annual “training” at work.  Said training consists mostly of a series of poorly designed web/Powerpoint mash-ups that basically tell you not to do stupid shit.  Ok, thanks for that, if you hadn’t told me I would never have known.  It’s not really training so much as a rehashing of all the paperwork I signed when I hired in.  I can’t help but wonder, though, why do people need this annually?  It must be a legal thing… I hope its a legal thing.  No wait, I work with these people, it is not a legal thing.

For the most part, it was all the same stuff that was covered in last year’s “training.”  An hour of droning on about record retention; keep these documents this long, keep those ones that long, a lunch invitation to celebrate Joe’s escape from corporate servitude is not considered a “business record.”  Integrity code: don’t accept gifts from vendors, don’t give bribes to government officials, don’t behave like an ass in public if you are a face of the company.

Then I get to the harassment portion of this franken-slideshow, same as last year except, wait, what’s this?  It’s a spiffy brand new section: Workplace Bullying.  Yeah, you read that right, I’m pretty sure I’ve just been downgraded from an adult to a grade-schooler by someone paid a lot more than I am whose job is to figure out the best way to convince other supposedly decent human beings to behave like actual decent human beings.  Now, watching that video is like a how-to-leadership guide for about half the managers I’ve ever worked for except it’s saying this is not acceptable behavior.  I’m sitting at my desk shaking my head in utter amazement when a co-worker walks by.  I point at my screen, she looks, rolls her eyes, laughs and continues on.  I wonder how many more years until this becomes company policy.

So the bureaucracy reaches new heights of absurdity.  Ho-hum.  I duly note how many hours of training I’ve taken so I can enter it into the system that tracks the time we spend on each project.  And the clock says I still have a third of my day left… #*$%!

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