October 3, 2013
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The Canadian army arrived in force late last night. Strangely, they only took our beer, tapped our maple trees, and kept repeating the first letter of the alphabet. I later heard they took over the town square and began erecting a beer-can statue of the Queen. I must keep the family away; my children would be broken by viewing such unamerican horrors.
We were forced to venture out of the house this morning for iced coffee and sushi. Our misery of deprivation was on the verge of triggering a psychotic episode. As expected, our American dollars were no longer being accepted, but luckily my Goldline investments have finally come in handy!
We made it back home unmolested, but there are now rumors that I may be prosecuted for war crimes after nearly two decades of violently mutilating pixels. I have not yet broken the news to my family, I hope they don’t think me too much of a monster.