Sturdley's Magical Mystical Blog

Musings on life, liberty, and the pursuit of derpiness.

Operation Monopoly

congress re-election rates

I’ve been a long-time off-and-on World of Warcraft player.  Some years ago, I was an officer in a guild that found itself with a significant member-bloat problem (get your mind out of the gutter).  Our guild leader came up with a fun (for us) solution to thin the ranks: Operation Monopoly.  The joke was that when asked your favorite Monopoly piece, the correct answer was the boot, as in booted from the guild.

Us officers scoured the list of guild members and marked the select few we deemed “good people” with the rest unknowingly destined for guild recruitment pleas in trade chat.  Our guild leader set up a script to automagically boot everyone marked for ejection.  I was not online at the time it was run, but I hear it was a thing to behold: 100+ people booted from the guild within seconds immediately followed by confusion and bewilderment from those left behind.

My reason for telling this story is not to wax nostalgic about managing a group of pixel mutilators, but to suggest some similarly creative solutions be applied to our government.  I present to you now three poorly thought out ideas for creative governance in desperate need of refinement:

Operation Monopoly: Once a year, a number of registered voters are randomly selected from each state and cast a vote whether to boot the senators and representatives in their state.  A simple 50% or higher boot vote shall result in unceremonious and immediate expulsion through the front door of the Capitol along with the contents of their desk.

Survivor:  Upon every congressional recess, instead of travelling back to their home districts for schmoozing and pandering, all members of congress must instead participate in a series of elimination challenges inspired by the TV series.  Only the last remaining person retains their seat, the rest must snuff their torch, say a tear-filled goodbye, and leave the island.  Willing to entertain suggestions of other reality TV themes, but any suggestion that these clowns either dance or sing are right out.

Hollywood:  A la Mars Attacks or Independence Day.  One downside to this approach is the amount of cleanup and rebuilding required afterward.  This one may need to wait until the perfection of vaporization technology, you know, to keep costs down.

Of course each event would be available for viewing live on Pay-per-View or online at the low, low price of $49.99, with the proceeds put toward paying down the national debt.  Reruns of the prior events will be auctioned for syndication.  Be sure to write your congressman in support of your favored plan!

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